The Courage to say No

No, it is such a powerful 2 letter word; some of us struggle with using it, while others have no problem saying it.  For me, it was a word that I struggled using, not because I did not understand it and not because I was unaware of its meaning, but simply because I was afraid to say it.  When you get right down to it, I was afraid to use the word “No.”  I was afraid of what people might think when they asked me to do something and my response was no.  I was afraid of what people might say if I said I did not want to do something and truth be told, there are times where I still struggle to use this word.  I realize that it really takes courage to say no and actually mean it. 
 
Now, let’s be clear I am not a pushover, but there are some people whose connection to my life, make it easier to say yes and very hard to say no.  However, what I am realizing is that there are times when I must say no.   Here’s one example: very often I find myself taking on tasks that I shouldn’t or accepting assignments I shouldn’t because someone has asked me to do it and in doing saying yes, I have created a situation where I am overloaded and overbooked.  As I analyze these situations, I am realize that it is not always that I want to say no and can’t, for me, sometimes it’s actually that I have caught their vision and I’ve already envisioned myself completing the task with great vigor, stamina and excellence.  The problem I have is that the minute I see their vision and see how I can make it happen, it is usually in the conversation and I say “Yes” without reconciling all of the other things on my to-do list!  Since I now recognize that this is a problem for me, I take a moment to think past the glitz I see at completion and think to the massive to-do list I have in my Evernote, then I answer in the way that is best for me.  This frees me to say no and it also allows the other person the opportunity to find someone who has the time.
 
But there are still some instances where I can actually need courage to say no and it is in those times that I have to reconcile within myself what is best for me.  I used to think that it was selfish to put me first, but I am growing to understand that it isn’t selfishness at all it is prudent.  When you go on any commercial flight, one of the safety items the flight attendant tells the passengers about is about the oxygen mask.  The flight attendant does their demonstration and one of the things they tell you is to put your mask on first and then help the elderly and small children.  Why do you think that is?  It is because you have to ensure that you have enough oxygen first, so you don’t pass out trying to help your loved ones who cannot help themselves.  When I apply that same principle to my life, I realize that I have to be OK with taking care of myself first and then caring for others, because if I don’t I may not be able to take care of people the way I would like to.  This does not mean that I am selfish, but it does mean that at times I must say no.  I am not sure about you, but sometimes it is so hard for me to say that little word, but the more I train myself to think of me first (and all of the things that I have to do), it gets a little easier.  I admit that I am not perfect at it and there are times when I know I should decline but I accept anyway.  I am still a work-in-progress and I am so much better than I used to be in this area, so I am thankful for steps in the right direction.
 
Let me encourage you, if you are challenged with saying no, remember what you’ve read here and do not let anyone discourage you when your courage to say no fails.  This is not a science, and there will be times when we say “yes” even though we should really say “no.”  Guess what? We all come short, but going forward make sure that you put your oxygen mask on first (take care of you first) and then take care of those around you. 
 
Blessings!
Liela

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